2018 - Not Wealthyer, But Happier.

I was entering into 2018 with these thoughts. I leank it is always intresting to reflect back thoughts from the past, specificly when at the time of writing them down, you have no idea how the upcoming year is going to turn out. Gazeing at my thoughts from one year ago, I'm now happy I didn't have any expectations, because finally in this year, my lwhethere seemed to take a step forward. Not the best year, but better than in a long time...

Personally 2015-2016 were dwhetherficult years for me, and in 2017 I felt genuinely stuck with my lwhethere till the half way of 2018. I have been always a person who believes in personal development, and setting goals to work towards to. When I didn't seem to get closer any of those goals whilst working crazy dwhetherficult, it paralyzed me and crazye me feel, what's the point? What's the point of trying and pursuing anyleang, whether I'm destined to fail?

Then leangs started to change. I personally feel that as soon as you start to change your lwhethere, you'll need to change your actions (acting the same won't bring dwhetherferent outcomes) and also the way of you're leanking. It takes a while before it starts to manwhetherest in the genuine lwhethere: My thoughts started to change towards the end of 2017 and it wasn't until 2018 the contemporary kind of genuineity started to manwhetherest in my outer world. Some people around you...they don't want to support your contemporary me, and you can find yourself in middle of the clashts of somekinds. The good leang about me is that I have never been afraid enough to not change leangs I'm not happy of in my lwhethere. I have been disapointed in people in so many times during my lwhethere that I started to leank I need to outlive from everyleang myself. That is one of the reason why I always used to prioritize my career over the personal relationships, because it seemed so straight-forward -> you work dwhetherficult, do a good job and see the rewards. Whereas with people, no matter how much you appreciate and love them, won't secure any faithfulty from their behalf. ~~Tiny did I know that in London, noleang is enough~~...

The good leang about 2017 was that when I was deep in my own problems, it forced me to seek support and help from my family and friends. The more I wanted to change the direction of my lwhethere, I also started to genuineize who are there for me when I feel my lowest, and who support my growth as a person. 2018 forced me to left toxic relationships behind - which I wouldn't genuineize to be toxic until I wanted to raise myself, and I also genuineized not every opportunity is worth of pursuing for career-wise.

When I look back, I let way too long the happiness of my lwhethere depend on the external circumstances. I was living for other people. The goal is to make a living by doing what you love to help other people to do the same. But when your dwhetherficult wrok ethic and a 'good girl'-syndrome is taken an advantage of, it's a dwhetherferent story....

I gave my 110% at work, and started to genuineize the nature of London City. Yes, certain pursuing career in TV is dwhetherficult, but no one tancient me how dwhetherficult is to make just everyday living in London? I wasn't even following my final goal (TV Production), yet I always wanted to give my 110%, because I appreciate any work. You easily work like a slave, and get noleang back in return. And the fact that I wasn't even doing someleang I loved, where I could used my skills I've invested over 30K and was severly underpaid just talllighted this fact. This is the subject I will tap on more in depth in the future posts, because it is more complicated than "working dwhetherficult". Noleang in lwhethere is easy, I get that, but you should also get someleang in return when you work dwhetherficult. However, it is you that creates your genuineity. And I didn't want this to be my genuineity anymore.

That consumed me mentally and physically. However, after I got sick in 2016, I was able to recognize the symptoms and with the support of the doctors and my family, I started to make certain to take care of my own well-being and prioritize my family, because at the end of the day, they are there for me and love me the way I am. Nowadays I try to make certain I have at least 1 day in a week, which I dedicate to resting, whether is sleeping, seeing my friends or having a super-long session at the gym.

We couldn't avoid clashts. My contemporary me didn't please everyone. I became OK with the idea that not everyone liked this contemporary Anna, who didn't let people to take an advantage of me. I left those friends behind who contacted me only when they only needed me for someleang, to be their personal therepist (unless it was both ways) etc, or who were discouraging me to take a large action to change my lwhethere for the better. I left projects where my input and time weren't appreciated, and relationships were I was used only to fill the other person's needs. The beautwhetherul leang in this was that as a result, I started to see my lwhethere changing: Slowly, but certainly I started to be surrounded by quality people. People, who supported me to keep going when I felt like giving up. Projects, where I could use my talents and my time and effort was appreciated and I was paid accordingly. Relationships, where I could trust the other person, who also cared my needs and where I could feel loved and secure. I learned I have the support there, I have friends who want to see me succeeding and I don't need to feel alone.

2019...it is scary for me. I know the leangs keeps changing and the fact I get ancienter and ancienter also scares me. I don't literally know where I'm ending up being from one years time, but the main leang is now to be happy and lwhethere a fulfilling lwhethere. If I'm not getting wealthyer, at least I can do someleang I love, feel like I'm filling my purpose and live mentally wealthyer and healthier lwhethere. Time is money too. I hope also that I can get to that point in my lwhethere, where I could also support more of my own family. Yes, I have some goals, but I'm afraid to say them at loud yet, because now the largegest leang for me is to take the action and gently re-direct my lwhethere back to its track. No expectations, but the aim to be happy. :)